I feel like I had a productive day and weekend. Well productive to me anyways. Got all the Christmas decorations up, tree is up and it looks amazing. Charley and I put it up today so great to have that moment with her, Greg finished it off tonight by putting up the angel on top and plugging in, what a gorgeous tree it is. I truly feel like its Christmas now. Christmas with a twist this year, twist being my health, although not great I do feel hopeful and excited, excited for my bro to come home, excited for Charley to open her presents (went overboard again!) excited to spend time with my family and have that camera in my face in the morning that Greg always seems to manage. I even feel like making cookies and baking which is weird. I think its because I am in the house alot, mostly puttering around trying to find something to do, baking seems ideal, I need to gain weight so what the hell, why not. Plus Charley really loves it too, she does most of the work , good ol child labour!
So far December has been better, I would lie if I said I feel better health wise or if I said I wasn't still scared shitless, or hated the wait, but I have things to look forward to with Christmas and all. I have also gotten better with the whole going out in public thing with the O2 on. Its better, not great, I still feel self conscious but really I smile and make sure I get all dolled up, looking good feeling good! Yes I get all dolled up to shop for 1 hour at Winners!
On a different random though I had the weirdest creepiest dream last night that someone touched the back of my head and I woke up with such a chill it freaked me out, I really felt as if someone was there. CRAZY! Maybe threes a ghost in my house, thats all I need......Maybe it was death knocking....okay maybe I just have watched too many horror films lately.....maybe.....
Stay tuned hopefully tonight I will dream of something nicer, like Brad Pitt!
xo
Shan
My make a wish Babies
2 days ago
I totally hear your "going out in public with O2" thing. That was really hard for me as well. It is so hard to face everyone and be the SICK GIRL....to have people stare and kids ask "why does she have that on her face, mommy?" I had to decide it wasn't going to rule my life. I stared myself in the mirror and told myself I was beautiful even with tubing adorning my face....ya know it helped. Eventually I forgot I even had it on sometimes. Good job! Keep it up and I pray you will get the call soon. Enjoy Christmas, enjoy your family and get extremely spoiled :)
ReplyDeleteI have been wearing the o2 for so long that I no longer care what people think. But, when I had to start wearing it out in public 9 years ago, I was a total basketcase. I finally came to the realization (trust me, it took a long time) that there was one huge difference between me with the o2 and me without it: plastic up my nose!!! I'm still the same beautiful person even with it on, and if someone has a problem with that, well, that isn't my issue!! I'm glad you are making progress with being out there wearing it, trust me, I remember that feeling all too well!!
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