Monday, December 28, 2009

Not Sure

Not sure what I want to write about today, I haven't posted in awhile due to the lack of stimulating life I lead at this time, but I did think of something clever to write last night while sleeping but now due to Oxygen brain i forgot!
Should I delve deep into my psyche (is that how you spell that? good teacher am I) and bring up all the things I really want to say or should I sugar coat it and say, all is fine, life is good, I feel okay?
Ha! thats a fucking laugh!!!!!!!!!!!! No life isn't okay , it blows right now. What makes it okay is family, friends and TV.
Ahhhh TV, sorry family and friends got to escape right now. TV what can i say Ellen, Law and Order, 90210, HGTV, Food Network, Fashion File, FT, Cityline, The Hills, The City....endless, mindless TV that I enjoy. Some may say I watch too much but hear me now when those new lungs come baby it will be me outside enjoying the outdoors with my family, so for now I enjoy TV.

Got to sleep
night TV my BFF

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Lovin the Christmas feelin!

So today started off good, got up, got my little one ready for the Christmas concert and off to school she went. I was nervous going to the school, so many people so many eyes looking staring wondering why I am on the O2. However, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I felt comfortable and really didn't give a shit about the other people when i was there all I cared about was my little girl and watching her debut. What a debut it was I like every other mother had tears in my eyes when she was on stage. They performed a cute story and song. Charley took the reigns and went right to the microphone for her part and you could here her load and clear, so beautiful.
Resting up now for the rest of the day so i can go and see her ballet recital. I can't wait!!!!
Merry Christmas to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 11, 2009


I am going to be one of those typical Canadians and whine about the cold. Yes I am!! It is bloody cold and I hate it. The only plus to this is that I can stay inside and stay warm while I wait for the call!

On a side note today was a weird day for me, I often use that word as I am realizing this as I type. I have been officially listed for 2 months today, but not sure if that is why i feel down. I felt pretty crappy all day but managed to drag my ass to physio. I started a new physio today at Credit Valley, saves me from driving to Toronto 3 days a week. It's a different vibe, very up beat. The people there mostly have COPD and are not on the transplant list but involved in Pulmonary Rehab. Most of them (ok all except me) are 60 plus and older. They must of thought what the hell is this young girl doing here, believe me I thought the same thing! But it was a good bunch of people thats for sure. My mom and mother in law came with me today, such great support I have. I wouldn't be able to get through this without them. So a big shout out to my family! LOVE Yous.


Monday, December 7, 2009

December 7, 2009

I feel like I had a productive day and weekend. Well productive to me anyways. Got all the Christmas decorations up, tree is up and it looks amazing. Charley and I put it up today so great to have that moment with her, Greg finished it off tonight by putting up the angel on top and plugging in, what a gorgeous tree it is. I truly feel like its Christmas now. Christmas with a twist this year, twist being my health, although not great I do feel hopeful and excited, excited for my bro to come home, excited for Charley to open her presents (went overboard again!) excited to spend time with my family and have that camera in my face in the morning that Greg always seems to manage. I even feel like making cookies and baking which is weird. I think its because I am in the house alot, mostly puttering around trying to find something to do, baking seems ideal, I need to gain weight so what the hell, why not. Plus Charley really loves it too, she does most of the work , good ol child labour!
So far December has been better, I would lie if I said I feel better health wise or if I said I wasn't still scared shitless, or hated the wait, but I have things to look forward to with Christmas and all. I have also gotten better with the whole going out in public thing with the O2 on. Its better, not great, I still feel self conscious but really I smile and make sure I get all dolled up, looking good feeling good! Yes I get all dolled up to shop for 1 hour at Winners!

On a different random though I had the weirdest creepiest dream last night that someone touched the back of my head and I woke up with such a chill it freaked me out, I really felt as if someone was there. CRAZY! Maybe threes a ghost in my house, thats all I need......Maybe it was death knocking....okay maybe I just have watched too many horror films lately.....maybe.....

Stay tuned hopefully tonight I will dream of something nicer, like Brad Pitt!


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Its December already!

I can't beleive its December already. Christmas, presents, family, snow, food, LUNGS? Isn't it weird that the one thing I want the most this Christmas is lungs? Who the hell would ever of thought that one day you would yearn for such a thing. Okay Santa I want, slippers, the last two Twilight books, and oh yeah new lungs!!
Really though I am exctied for my bro to come home, and a bit nervous for Christmas day. I really want new lungs but can't imagine my daughter waking up Christmas morning and me not being there for her, me being in the hospital would kind of such. Double edge sword I guess. I discussed last night with my hubby that if thats the case then I want them to go and sleep somewhere so they can wake up to more than just the two of them, he agreed.
So the waiting continues....shit its hard. Nothing more to say on that.
I was feeling very crappy the last two days, tired, stomach aches, short of breath. Of course when I feel that I get paranoid, wonder if I will make it blah blah blah, your head plays games with you man and its hard not to dwell.
On a good note I ventured out did some Christmas shopping this weekend and felt good about it.
Physio tomorrow, group tomorrow, filled day at TGH.